Windows 8 fail: All I want to do is print

I needed to print something. I plugged my HP LaserJet 1020 printer’s USB cable into the HP Pavilion g6 laptop running Windows 8.

What do I have a half-hour later?

A Device Setup box with a progress bar that has made almost no progress. The disk light is flashing, so something is happening. Am I downloading every printer driver known to man and beast to get a single printer working?

And no I haven’t printed. If I was running any modern Linux distribution, I’d have been able to sort this in under three minutes.

Big heaps of Windows fail.